


Not Again

by JadenGrace1



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Gen, Man Pain, Poor Dean, Poor Sam, Post-Season/Series 08 Finale, So much angst, Temporary Character Death, Tragedy, Tragedy: Death of a Brother, i'm so cruel to you, man tears, you deserve better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-03 15:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2856593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadenGrace1/pseuds/JadenGrace1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tag to 8x23 "Sacrifice". A possible (but tragic) continuation of the Season 8 finale, so spoilers for that episode. Oneshot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not Again

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so since I've just recently joined ao3 I've decided to bring a few of my ff.net works over here, this being the first one.
> 
> I originally wrote this to have no happy ending but ended up creating one due to popular demand. It will be featured in an epilogue so that those of you who want to leave it where it is, can.
> 
> Warnings: major character death (if you don't read the epilogue)
> 
> Disclaimer: not mine ('cept the mistakes)

"Angels… They're falling."

He stared into the tumultuous sky and watched as the heavenly host fell from grace. It was a beautiful, but horrific sight.

"Cas?" Sam gasped out through the pain, bringing Dean back to his main concern - his dying little brother sitting on the ground next to the Impala. The question, though, still had his gut clenching. "I don't know, Sam," he answered as he tried to sit Sam up straighter against the Impala.

"I don't know. But right now we've gotta concentrate on you, okay?" Dean was already worried enough, but it only seemed to escalate as he waited for the response from Sam that didn't seem to be coming anytime soon - he was apparently too busy focusing on breathing through the pain, his eyes clamped shut and his nostrils flaring with each labored breath. "Okay?" he repeated, louder so as to (hopefully) ensure a response. He felt his worry lessen the slightest bit as he watched Sam try to nod, sweaty strands of his long hair falling into his eyes, but then it skyrocketed as Sam suddenly howled in pain.

"Oh God!" Sam cried out, clawing at his chest. His attempt to curl in on himself was stopped only by Dean's hands grabbing his younger brother's shoulders.

"Sam?!" The fear that had been hiding deep in his gut ever since Sam had started these stupid trials began to slowly creep its way towards his heart as Sam only continued to clutch at his chest and attempt to keep the groans from escaping through clenched teeth. "Sammy?! Hey!" Hands still tightly latched onto Sam's shoulders, he tried to shake some awareness into him. "Talk to me!"

"It won't let go," Sam growled out through gritted teeth. He took some shaky breaths as Dean waited for him to explain, confusion clearly written on his face. When Sam didn't, only continued to suck in those horrible, wheezing gasps of air, he asked worriedly, "What won't let go?"

Eyes still squeezed shut in pain, Sam ground out, "I let it go like you told me to, but it won't let me go." He opened and turned his huge pain-filled eyes to Dean and choked out, "It won't let me go, Dean." And as Dean finally realized what his little brother was saying, Sam suddenly began to gasp like he was being choked by some invisible force.

"Hey! Sammy, hey! Hey!" With his left hand, he grabbed Sam's chin and forced him to look at him. "What's going on? Sam, what do I do?" He could feel the icy tendrils of fear inside of him, spreading like wildfire beneath his skin; he watched in horror as he realized that his baby brother was no longer able to breathe.

"Won't... let me... go..." Sam gasped out between painful yet futile struggles to draw in air.

This was not happening.

"No. No, Sam. You are not doing this, you understand me? You are not doing this to me." He grabbed Sam's face, looked into his too big, too pain-filled eyes, and tried to blink away the tears that were blurring his vision as he saw the fear that was looking back at him from his little brother. Fear that never should have had to be there. "Sam! Come on, Sammy, you've just gotta breathe. You've just gotta breathe, little brother. In and out, simple as that. That's all you've gotta do."

As Dean continued his litany of reassurances, Sam's hands, which had been fisted in the front of Dean's shirt, began to slowly relax. He looked down in shock at the hands that had fallen limply into his lap, and then back up to see that his little brother's eyes had fallen shut. The fear that had been growing inside of him suddenly erupted into nothing he had ever felt before. It seized his heart and throat and everything else as he frantically searched for a pulse.

He couldn't find one.

" _No no no no no no no._ " Within seconds he had Sam flat on his back and was delivering chest compressions as if his life depended on it. And his life _did_ depend on it, because there was absolutely no way he could live without his little brother by his side - the same little brother who for some reason didn't think he was worth it. That was going to change because he was going to save his brother and then they were going to have the mother of all chick-flick moments and then Sam was going to understand how important he was because there was literally nothing more important to Dean than his baby brother. _Nothing_. As the seconds began to tick away, Dean began to beg and plead. With who, he wasn't sure, but it didn't matter as long as he saved his little brother. Because that's what big brothers do.

Two minutes passed.

Three minutes.

Four minutes.

Dean found himself well past his breaking point as he encroached on the five-minute mark. Tears streaming down his face, knees aching as he continued to kneel on the cold, unforgiving ground, he tried to keep pumping his exhausted arms.

"Sammy..." he begged, choking on the thick emotion clogging his throat. "Please. Don't do this. I can't let you down. Not again."

Suddenly his arms gave out, splaying out across Sam's chest as he collapsed on top of the still form beneath him. All his strength having been spent on trying to save him, he simply sobbed into his baby brother's chest.

"Not again."

" _Oh God, not again._ "


	2. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the promised epilogue for those of you who just couldn't let me end it like that (not that I necessarily blame you).
> 
> (Also, fyi, there is a wee bit o' language in here so be prepared for that.)

" _Oh God, not again._ "

He couldn't believe it.

He had failed his little brother. Again.

And it had cost little Sammy his life. _Again_.

He remembered what Sam had said about his biggest sin having been letting his big brother down. _You stupid, guilt-carrying, bitch_ , he thought. _You never really let me down. Not when it counted. No, I'm the one who's been doing the letting down. Ever since that day in Cold Oak..._ He took a deep shuddering breath in an attempt to hold back the sobs, but they broke right through the walls he had built and they just. kept. coming.

_I... Sammy, I- I just..._

"I'm just so damn sorry," he finally choked out, the words barely understandable through the grief that was strangling him. "I'm sorry, Sammy..."

All of a sudden the chest beneath him rose with a giant gasp. Head popping up so fast he nearly got whiplash, Dean scrambled to get a better look at his little brother's face.

"Sam?!"

After a few long gulps of air, Sam finally opened his eyes and looked over at his big brother. "Dean," he exhaled.

Relief washed over Dean like a freakin' tsunami and in the next moment he had scooped Sam into his arms and was holding onto him as if he were afraid that if he let go, Sam would be gone. He almost was.

"Oh God, Sam," he said wetly, clutching his limp but conscious little brother and holding his head in the crook of his neck. "Oh God."

_That was too close_ , he thought. _Too fucking close._

A few minutes passed with them simply sitting by the Impala in the now peaceful night, Sam allowing Dean to cradle him much like he had when Sam was little and hurting - whether it was because he was too exhausted to move or because he just needed to know that his brother still loved him, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that they were soaking up the fact that they were both still there and alive and most importantly, _together_.

Eventually Dean felt Sam begin to shift in his arms, so he carefully sat him up against the Impala and shifted so that he was sitting so his little brother could lean against him for support. The side of his mouth quirked up into a small smile as he thought, _No matter how big this guy gets, I'll be there to support him_. With a frown, he added, _Or at least, I'll try to be..._ His frown turned into a scowl as he thought of what Sam had said in the church and promised, _...whether he likes it or not._ Before that he had never known how much a single syllable could shake him.

His thoughts were interrupted by a quiet voice from his left.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, Sammy?" he questioned, turning to look at his little brother.

There was a pause as Sam slowly turned his head to look at Dean, big eyes shining brightly from their sunken sockets. "You okay?"

Dean snorted a dry laugh. "Yeah, I'm fine." Another pause, longer this time. "Are you?"

"Huh?" Sam's brow scrunched up in confusion.

"Are _you_ okay?" he clarified, hoping that Sam knew he didn't mean physically since he obviously still needed to improve in that department. He watched as his little brother looked him in the eyes with his own hazel ones, searching for something. Whatever he was looking for he must have found, because a few moments later he wetly replied, "Yeah. I'm okay." And Dean could see that he was, at least for now. He was going to have to see about helping Sam deal with the guilt the kid unnecessarily piled on top of himself, but he was going to take what he could get at the moment.

"Good."

They sat in silence for another few minutes until Dean decided that they had had enough of a chick-flick moment to last them both for decades.

"Jesus, Sammy," he exclaimed in mock exasperation as he slowly climbed to his feet. "You pull of any more stunts like this and I'll have to start buying tampons." He gave Sam a mischievous wink as he bent down to help his little brother into the passenger seat.

"Oh, really?" Sam countered. He waited for Dean to climb into the driver's seat before he continued, "And that's coming from Mr. "I Wuv Hugs" over here."

"Shuddup." Dean scolded as he turned the ignition, eliciting a thundering growl from his precious car. He turned her around quickly, gravel spraying from underneath the squealing tires. Dean wanted to get Sam back to the bunker as soon as possible so that he would be able to give him a proper check-up. Because driving with the music blaring seemed to make time move faster, Dean was about to pop in one of his tapes when a small voice drifted over from the passenger side.

"Love ya, jerk."

Dean heard his breath hitch at the use of the old nickname and he was sure Sammy heard it too. It had been too long since they had bantered like that together, like brothers. He let out a soft sigh, and with a small smile he replied, "Love you too, bitch."

The Impala continued its journey through the night, blaring Led Zeppelin through its speakers, eating up the pavement like a ravenous beast, and purring its satisfaction that its boys were going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop, there it is. (And yes, I know I did the thing where I didn't make new paragraphs for when new people were talking, but this is old and like only the second fanfic I'd ever written so y'all'll just have to deal, sorry.)


End file.
